31 May 2017


Whenever I was asked how I planned to feed when pregnant with Olivia, I always said breastfeeding. I said it with a quiet confidence that this time it would be so much easier. 

I breasted Aria for 7 weeks and combined fed until she was 10 weeks, when she eventually went onto formula. I was so proud of myself for this, but felt that with this baby I could do it for longer. 

When Olivia arrived, just like her big sister she latched on straight away and our breastfeeding journey started with such ease. We brought her home and I continued to feed on demand for the next three weeks...

However, that's when things changed for us. While she was feeding well and never lost any of her birth weight (she gained 1oz by day 5 and a further 20oz by day 14) but I was struggling to keep up with the amount she wanted fed, and how to divide my time between her and Aria. While feeding came easy, the guilt was just getting too much. 

I felt like I wasn't being a good enough mum to either of my girls. To Aria I felt like my most used phrase was 'in a moment, once I've settled Olivia', and I rushed feeding Olivia so I could squeeze in a few moments of quality time with her, but then felt I was neglecting Olivia and wasn't getting to absorb those early moments. 

It was then that Tom and I made the decision to have me express, and also give Olivia the odd formula bottle. The decision felt right in my head, but my heart was breaking. I felt like I'd given up too soon and could have tried harder, but the more we talked it through I could see that for our family it was the best decision. I could split my time between the girls better and get the extra help I needed. Their happiness is ultimately what is most important to us. 

I'm not saying it isn't possible to breastfeed when you've multiple children, but for us it just made more sense to switch to bottle. 

Five days later and I'm really glad we made this decision. Olivia gets more time with her daddy and other family members, and I get to be more involved with Aria, giving them both the quality attention they need and deserve.

I know a few people have messaged asking for this post, so I really hope this helps in some way. There's so much more guilt when you've already got children, so my best advice is just so what feels best for your family. At the end of the day, fed is best and as long as you're happy and your baby is gaining weight and is healthy, that's all that matters isn't it? 

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